fire bellied

I've spoken to graduate admissions, the registrar at the local universities, department secretary, and now I've got the department Director's direct email. God is good.

I haven't got much that meet their requirement. Only a scant smörgåsbord of dance experience and an almost-irrelevant business degree. I have to say that bouncing emails about and repeating my story is, on the whole, a good thing (because I'm not going in circles). But I've noticed that I would take a self-pitying detour each time I was transferred to someone new. I feel feeble having to speak up for myself again and again, often registering resignation that my efforts are not worth it. That I'm never going to go on my big adventure.

I've never realized what a stronghold poor esteem has been till now, and how absolutely inane it actually is.

Consciousness has been such a blessing in this instance. So I made myself read the application details the secretary sent me. Those requirements are still there. The ones I do not have. But as I read it, fire grew. I don't know where the fuel is coming from, but its there.

If I am not good enough, then let my faith be pleasing to the One who multiplied the five loaves and two fishes for the multitudes.