Gladys Wilson & Naomi Feil

The video that I talked about on dance movement therapy and Alzheimer's? I found it. :) Full post here.

Delirium

God is in such a good mood! It REALLY made me SO happy!

Wow. What can I say about my experiences at Bethel Church.

It's a place where I did feel Kingdom realities. The tangible presence of God was so prevalent, even at Ann's house where I eventually moved to on the 3rd day of my stay in Redding. I found myself resting and charging up just being in His Presence. In some instances, I was buzzing from the encounter. I don't say this to glorify Bethel Church, but it gave me a sense of what it means to have God's Kingdom pulled down to earth. Where miracles and prophecy are mainstays, where people walk in the fullness of their callings, where God's heart is more important than church decorum, religiosity and social norms.

I could describe all that I had experienced while I was there, but you would have to know the history of my life for any of it to make sense and understand why it meant so much to me. But suffice to say, that all I had desired from my trip was fulfilled, and much more! There were little geeky things, and there were deep things, and there were things to do with my past...

My flight out of Redding to San Francisco got delayed for 12 hours. This would've meant that I would either be flying for close to 30 hours straight from Redding to San Francisco to New York then to Singapore (IF I could get the right connecting flights), or I would miss my flight back to Singapore entirely. So, I made a sudden decision to cancel my flight out to Redding and drive myself to San Francisco, which was a 4 hour drive, to make a connecting flight to New York. Now this was a brave thing I did because anything could happen on the road, and I could not afford to make mistakes because I was short on time. I panicked for a while after canceling my flight, fumbling through my insurance papers and flight schedule, but I went anyway.

Stalling in my Chevy Cruz

So here's a bit of back story. Packing to leave Redding was the hardest thing I've had to do the entire trip. And when I pulled into Redding Municipal Airport for my flight out, I sat in the car stalling for time since I was early for check in. I was reluctant to give up the car, because it would mean that I was giving up my time in Redding and checking in at the airport meant the end of my 20 day trip. I told God how reluctant I was to leave and I don't want to ever forget all He had done for me these 20 days. Mostly I just covered my face with my hands and sighed.

After learning that my flight had been delayed, I loaded up my luggage and climbed back into the same white Chevrolet Cruz I had been driving around Redding, popped in the new prophetic music CD I bought at The Eagle's Nest and laid out some food and water for easy access and pulled out of the car rental parking lot. After going through the small roads, I got on the I-5 and there rolled out before me was the Californian country. Gold fields on blue skies and great hills. At this point, God's goodness to me over this trip just went over my head. I had already been so so full from the past week I didn't think I could take in anymore. And I suddenly burst out laughing! And then I was crying from how absurdly good God had been to me! Because I had been wanting to take a road trip with Pat since 2 years ago, but we could never find the time to do it. And here is God taking me on a mini road trip, and with the Love of my life!! And then I was laughing, and then crying again!

I felt very distinctly that the first part of my trip was about what I wanted. And God was my travel companion, accompanying me through all that I wanted to do. The itinerary I had planned for myself had been so blessed. Everything going smoothly and making no loss or wrong turn (except for Central Park!) Even in the DMT intensive, dancing was about self-assertion and finding my voice. At Redding and Bethel, it was about what He wanted for me. And He packed a full itinerary for me even though all I was doing all week was going home and going to Bethel Church and going to ToGo Sandwiches for lunch. The second round of improv class with Ann and her dancers was where I found that I could dance prophetically and it was the opposite of self-assertion. It was about yielding and trusting Him and letting Him speak through dance. I have never felt so full, so satisfied than dancing in His Spirit!

So here I was, flying through the I-5, laughing and crying because I can feel God's ecstasy at how He's loving over me and how I'm taking it all in. Like He would be grinning ear to ear if I could see His face with my physical eyes.

At the close of Saturday. Memories of the drum circle.

My Ride around Redding

On the I-5.

Californian Country one last time.

These ladies are warriors.

I'm back in Singapore now. And it's taken me a while to blog this last entry because of how overwhelmed I'd been. The trip had ended, but I feel like a new thing has already started. I'm not sure how to conclude this blog or if it should be concluded at all. 

We'll see. :)

Face to Face

Have you ever felt like things are hitting you so fast you couldn't respond to it? You hate it because you weren't asked if you liked it, or if you wanted it, or what you would do about it. 

Now imagine all that was hitting you was love. The kind that is no respecter of persons. Love that is so big you know it's not about you, but its also all for you. Love that breaks you down to nothing, but also holds you together so that not a single piece is missing and you're safe.

Love that is furious, that holds ground and refuses to let go.

Love that is so gentle it hurts, because you realized you're now alive and have always been loved and freed.

The last time I felt this way was at the Kingdom Invasion Conference earlier this year. And I get a feeling it's about to hit me again.

Today I'd met up with the director of dance and flags of Bethel Church for coffee where we chatted a little. She then arranged for me to go to an improvisation class with one of her dancers where I had the utmost privilege to finally see for myself what it means to use a God given gift for His glory. The other girls have been schooled in this, and watching them I can only see beauty... fullness of perfection.

I took part of course. We started with warm ups with our eyes closed. And then we moved into free form movement, mirroring in pairs and as a group. We also used imagination - a ball that could be heavy, light, large, small, etc. to effect our improvisation. This was all good and fun especially after coming from the DMT intensive program. I had lots of practice there.

Then we came to the portion where we move with the Holy Spirit. I struggled. So I sat down with Ann (the director) and told her how I felt. Ann explained that it was normal and we all have a journey and we can't get from one point to another without the process. And sometimes it is a painful process. There will be tears and there will be laughter as the Holy Spirit takes us through it. She told me it's okay to lie down and not move. So that's what I did at the next song.

Prior to my sitting down, the directive was to ask the Holy Spirit for an answer to a pre-existing question, and to use dance as a process to get the answer. So laying down, I asked God what I should ask. What was it that needed answering? After all, I have felt mighty contented and satisfied since coming on this trip. I felt like my prayers are finally coming true and I could not be happier.

To my surprise, a surging emotion of anger towards God and dance surfaced. This is an old, old thing that I had relegated to my being childish and unlearned in the ways of faith and grace. I thought I had grown from it.

But there is one thing I've learned so far about my Daddy God, that no matter how grown up we get, how we learn to dust ourselves off and march on like trooper, He knows our deepest thoughts, hurts and worries. He would stop the marching so He could pull my shoe off just to take out that little pebble that was chaffing the tip of my little toe. What matters to me matters to Him. 

As much as I didn't and still don't like confronting this anger, I'll trust the Holy Spirit on this. Being at the improv class brought me face to face with the epitome of my dreams. For a moment, it was a bit too much to handle, and I couldn't believe I walked right into it without realizing the immensity if it.

At the end of the session, we chatted for a bit before the girls prayed for me. Listening to them speak, I can only be envious of the culture that Bethel Church has, of how freely they allow the Holy Spirit to move in them, and how normal it is to speak prophecy. I never once felt like it was all too freaky and unattainable. And I want that. Ann spoke easily about things that were affirmative, and of a vision Daddy God had used to teach me about spiritual hunger a short while back. It affirms that  heaven is not so far away at all. That heaven is right here in front of my nose.

Well, Ann has invited me to stay with her for the remainder of my days in Redding. I was inclined to decline, especially after the bout of other hosted housing. I feel like I need my own space even though the tension of traveling alone is tiring me out. But she doesn't seem to be taking no for an answer! I know, I am blessed.

Saturday, I'll be in the prayer and healing rooms at Bethel. What dancers do in there, I can only guess at this point.

This is turning out to be much much more than I expected...

New York City

Ah, the Big Apple! First night I was here, I dumped my luggage at my host house and headed straight for Times Square. I walked around soaking in the sights and sounds as if they were new. I'd been here before, but this time it feels different.

11 years ago, I came to NYC to audition for the dance program at NYU. I didn't make the cut and spent the next 2years depressed and aimless. I had thought that that was my break, the gateway to the rest of my life. So I couldn't understand what my life was about when school and life in New York city didn't start. 

While walking through NoLita and SOHO, I came across the building I auditioned at. I remember the NYU flag as a little larger, grander; a symbol of higher status and self-approval. Now, it isn't. It's a flag on the side of a building, a mark for memory. And I reflected on my past experience here with a calmness. An understanding that good things... BETTER things had come to me by His hand. I had had time to repent and be renewed alone with God and away from these things. Now I only wait to be restored. How grand it would be for me to return to NYC to study DMT!

I had so much fun here and I am sooooo happy! From day to day, I made decisions purely on what I want to do. It may have sounded unnecessary, but I have seldom times felt so in my skin, so embodied and to be okay with enjoying myself this way. So much so that walking into a quiet little corner in Sephora, I suddenly felt overwhelmed and Felt like I might burst into tears! I guess, it is the gratitude for being able to do this, for all the sights, sounds, sensations, friendly strangers, and His joyful Presence that had been so constant throughout this trip. I had never felt bored, nor had fear and anxiety take over while I travelled alone.

Strangely, I have had no desire to dance here. I didn't even think to look for the studio, maybe to pop my head in for while? Nothin'. While here though, I did get news that I will be dancing at Bethel!!! I was so crazy excited I was insomniac for most of that night!

Towards the end of my stay in NYC I did begin to get a little over-stimulated. There was just a bit too much crowd, too much traffic noise, and too much foreign-ness. And I know this is because I had been staying at host houses since day one. I think it was a bit too much for me to handle because of the new environments, the politeness at using the bathroom, sharing fridge space and tip-toeing across creaky hallways at night. And also every household had a certain vibe that I took in, so I didn't have enough personal space to unload and wind down at the end of each day.

Next stop Redding!!

Apple Bites

Went for service at Hillsong NY!

View of the Hudson river from my African inspired bedroom.

NYU along Memory Lane.

A day at the American Museum for Natural History.

TriBeCa.

I got spat out by Central Park. Couldn't get to the other side!

I'm not sure if the is the actual bar but oh well...